Obscure Dreams

Yesterday, my really wonderful nomadic earthy traveler friend sent me a text message. She has recently finished volunteering for Americorps and has been all over in such a short period of time. My friend, my sister.

Her message was quite random, but perfectly timed. It read: do you have an obscure dream that you hope to accomplish?

I thought about it; I know that at one point in my life, I had a list of all these perceived absurdities that I had to accomplish, because I'm afraid that I'll have an untimely death and an unfulfilled life. Growing up, it took so long to actually grasp the reality of human mortality. Most kids live as though they're invincible; like nothing can harm us because we are kids and if anything happens, Superman will come flying down to the rescue! I wasn't that kid, and I feel like I grew in reverse. When I was young, I was self-conscious and reflective, a dreamer with little action. It took longer than I'd have liked for me to realize this is all we have. And by the time I had, I had misplaced a lot of my delightful, obscure dreams.

I've been reflecting since I got the message. Reflecting about some of the dreams I've never let go. And about the ones that got lost in the wind. And about my good friend. I like to do my own little sashay to the boom-boom-clap-ting in my head, and for that people find me extreme. Between my friend and I, though, she is the most pure and fantastic form of extremism when it comes to chasing dreams. Our first year of college, she jumped a train and I photographed it. She decided she wanted to be a volunteer firefighter. Also an EMT. Also pose nude for artists to paint. I had surgery my third year of college, and she drove hours to see me get better. On another occasion, and since I transferred to a college at the beach, she decided that she wanted to jump in the ocean nude. It was March.

I'll be working on my list of dreams, but I think the most quiet obscure dream I've had for sometime is to invoke the bits of her fearless spirit that are buried some where deep down.

I'm curious to hear the obscure dreams of others. Let's accomplish them.

...Speaking of Whoopi

Admittedly, I have to sometimes take breaks from technology and the news in order to keep myself from going crazy. I have an intense (sometimes read: serious) personality a lot of times, and that doesn't make me unhappy. I care about issues to the point of exhaust; and it's because I also act on these issues. I get so mentally involved in issues, and for that reason, a joke - that is parody and not satire - at the interest in any of the issues and injustices that I am so involved in protesting is more damaging, in my opinion, than the humor that may be in it.

At any rate, in an effort to work on my zen and create an ambiance, I'm goofing off on facebook for a bit yesterday - just after reacting to Whoopi Goldberg's "he-has-black-friends-so-he-isnt-racist" defense - and noticed that good friend of mine made an inappropriate joke in reference to the situation. And the joke made it to facebook, twitter, and eventually a variation of it made the blog. Ready?

C'mon Whoopi, sure Mel Gibson isn't racist; you don't have to worry about being raped by a pack of niggers; you look like a man.

Well, okay. I realize that the comment was meant to be taken lightly but my problem with these comments is this: of the many issues with sexual abuse and domestic violence, major issues that many victims deal with are feelings of guilt (like they may have perpetuated the assault) and feelings of low self-worth which could stem from a number of things, including physical appearance. Moreover, the comment speaks to standards of beauty and maintains the myth that rape is about sexual attraction and desire.

I would not be true to my character if I didn't say anything, even to my good friend and mentor (smile). I'm not into blog-wars as I don't have enough readers for that anyway, so I don't want people to get me wrong and believe that that's the point of any of this.

While the joke was at the expense of Whoopi, the words of the joke say something to people who believe that people who "look like a man" (or unattractive people, or people who have been told they are physically worthless and have internalized that abuse) cannot or have not been abused. It appears to support a myth of people who are ill-informed and do not know better - even if it is a joke. Having worked on the side of victims, this is a trend that is seriously furthered by law enforcement, nurses, and anybody who isn't fully aware and sympathetic to the dynamics of rape. Period. (Ironically, this theme is illustrated to perfection in "The Color Purple")

And while I understand that there has to be a silver lining, and there has to be some sort of light in this sick, sad, dark world of ours, I'm not entirely certain that any joke sending that sort of message (about the rape of a woman who "looks like a man", not the pack of niggers) is the something that I can take lightly. This isn't about an individual, but those comments and attitudes have to die. Seriously.

Would it be Whoopi Goldberg-esque of me to point out that this person doesn't hate women, ugly people, or rape victims, but that it was a stupid comment? Shrug. This isn't to defend Whoopi's disillusionment, but one has to wonder how to defend the character of a person who makes stupid comments. I'm not taking it personally, again this isn't about a person, but an idea. A whole set of ideas that need to end.

Be righteous.

It was also kind of a jackass thing to add a faux apology in small print, too..#justsayin.

Revolutionary but Gangsta Grillz (not much of) a review!

I wanted to take some time to do a full review the new mixtape by Dead Prez, entitled "Revolutonary but Gangsta Grillz", but I'm having a difficult time finding enough direction to spit it out. However, I do have three favorite songs that I just love. The general opinion I've heard from people who aren't too far into it is that it isn't typical of Dead Prez because they're trying to blend and fit in with what's trendy. That's not what they are about, but I don't think that I see it as a loss to their original style or message; instead, I think that they're trying to reach the new "hip-pop" generation by putting this out there and I'm not gonna lie, I love that I was able to sit my 12 year old cousin down and say "listen to this song, it's about natural-hair girls!" It's really worth a listen. The mixtape is downloadable for free-99 on a their website! No excuse to let this one pass you by!

The track listing is as follows:

1. "Intro" – 0:33
2. "Far From Over" – 3:36
* Samples from "Over" by Drake
3. "Soul Power" – 3:00
4. "Exhibit M" – 1:45
5. "The Game Is A Battlefield" – 3:21
6. "Malcolm, Garvey, Huey" feat. Divine – 4:39
* Samples from "Beamer, Benz Or Bentley" by Lloyd Banks
* Includes a speech from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
7. "The Beauty Witin" – 3:06
* Samples from "Nothin' On You" by B.o.B.
* Released on Mother's Day, May 9, 2010 as dedication to the natural beauty of black women
8. "KRS-One Speaks" – 0:18
9. "The Movement" – 1:59
10. "Gotta Luv It" – 2:05
11. "Never Turn My Back" – 3:39
12. "Don't Waste It" – 2:52
* Samples from "Wasted" by Gucci Mane[2]
13. "Lil Ghetto Boy$" – 3:02
* Samples from "Lil' Ghetto Boys" by Dr. Dre
14. "Overdose" – 3:13
15. "Fear Not The Revolution" – 2:37
16. "Let The People Be Heard" feat. Estelle – 3:29
17. "RBG 'Til I Die" feat. Zayd Malik - 3:57
18. "Hood News/Struggle Like Us" – 1:52
* Samples from "Swagga Like Us" by T.I. and Jay-Z
19. "The G In Me" feat. Mikeflo - 3:51

And now for my favorite songs, complete with a little blurb on why I enjoy 'em:

I love that the mixtape opened with this song because Drake (from whom the beat of this song is taken) is the newest cancer - every where you turn, you see Jimmy from DeGrassi rapping with Lil Wayne and Young Money and you can't help but wonder 'isn't he Canadian? Where'd his "rap voice" come from?

This song is my absolute favorite! I actually heard this song a few months ago, and apparently, Dead Prez released it on Mother's Day. I love it; everything about this song is perfect to me and I think it's important that there is music and pop(-ish) music that acknowledges the natural beauty of Black characteristics. This is a beautiful and important thing because historically, we were taught to hate ourselves (ask Malcolm...) and while I don't care who's natural and who isn't, it's important for young girls and women to hear that it's okay to be yourself - you're beautiful.

Malcolm, Garvey, Huey. I love this song. I mean, as it is, the "Beamer, Benz and Bentley" song is kind of a "banger", and I love this much better than the original. Besides that, the mixtape has speeches from the aforementioned leaders (and MLK), and it even has a snippet from "A Love Supreme"!

Anyway, again, check it out. It's FREE, and I really enjoyed it!

Be Righteous.

The Root of the Problem

I submitted this post a few days ago to another blog; in the event that it is posted, I'll be sure to attach a link!

Initially, I wanted to be outraged at "The Health Care Bill Should Tax Weaves Like It Taxes Tanning", an blurb written by Cord Jefferson of The Root. Here's why: 2010 is the year of scrutiny for Black women. We've been under a perpetual magnifying glass; the blog world and mainstream media have been studying Black women, like a new species that has gone from the wild to domestic life in recent years. We have become a major topic of discussion for makeshift anthropologists who are interested in our lifestyles, mating practices, relationships and income. Not to discredit the social sciences, but news reporters and blog writers are not sociologists and the much focused on question of "why are you successful Black women single" has been given so much attention in 2010 alone that is has become disgusting.

The aforementioned post at The Root was not that, though. As a matter of fact, I found myself nodding in agreement instead of shaking with outrage at the author's rationale. In short, Cord Jefferson proposes, in a tone that mixes logic with a bit of parody, that since the health care bill has recently added a tax to tanning because of its medically unhealthy consequences (otherwise known as cancer), it should follow that fake hair is also taxed for the same reasons. This may sound a little offputting at first; after all, the use fake hair does not cause cancer or other medical repurcussions...does it? Well, I don't have the answer to that, but I will say that the article uses weaves as an example to identify more than it's really saying: the chemicals and other things that Black women use in our hair are unhealthy for us. This isn't simply an attack on relaxers, which is also why I'm not convinced that it is solely an attack on Black women more than it is an attempt to identify that our self-image needs adjusting. There are photos all over the web of women and girls that have had allergic reactions to relaxers, hair color, texturizers, and other chemicals that we plaster ourselves with to adjust the way that the world sees us, and to boost the way that we see ourselves. Some allergic reactions are so severe that they do, in fact, require medical attention and while the dermatological effects may not be as expensive or long term as cancer treatments, they are parallel experiences. White women, too, suffer from body image issues which is one reason for unhealthy behaviors that may just cause cancer. Equally, Black women participate in other unhealthy behaviors that, similarly to white women's issues, have been recycled and evolved over time. That is not to say that we do not suffer a longer, more severe systematic form of psychological oppression simply based on our perception of beauty; rather, it is hitting on just that.

Jefferson pulls examples from Tyra to Beyonce, and even posts a recent picture that hit the web of Naomi Campbell's major hair loss. Even so, the most important thing brought out in this post is the following sentence:

Perhaps some of the money saved could even go toward things like social welfare programs designed to help young black girls stop fetishizing straight blonde hair in the first place.

This is the bottom line of it all: image. While the author did not go in great depth about the historical contexts and the evolution of how Black women view themselves, consciously or subconsciously, I gathered that this was a light hearted attempt for a man to speak out about Black women's body image issues and, in my opinion, it did what it was supposed to do. Disgusted, irritated, confused or, like myself, satisfied with the article, it was meant to create a dialogue amongst ourselves. Black men might just be paying attention to our behaviors, and that makes me wonder if we are giving as much thought to our rituals as some other people may be. As a self-identifying Black feminist/womanist/women's rights activist, there are so many battles that Black women face in our macro- and micro-societies; it's just as important to channel some sort of energy within ourselves to reflect and understand the traditions that we recycle and identify whether or not the real root of the problem is worth defending.

Be Righteous.

Disparities: Missing White Woman Syndrome

The point of this post is illustrated between 1:58 and 3:33; it's the best I could do!

My studies are all in the realm of social science. I've recently discovered contemporaries with similar mindsets as myself in some regard, but in other regards social science seems less than important as it is specifically (in my studies) constructed by the history of a very diverse bunch known as America on the whole. My goal in life since I was two years old was to save people; no, not in a spooky religious sort of way, but in a way that is long-lasting and more affecting of the people: I want (and have) hands on experience working with people to improve the condition of their lives. And while I very much realize that all people are in need of assistance and "saving", I feel for women and persons of color (as a woman and person of color). As such, many of the things that I have studied and worked to change deal specifically with the imbalance in our (American) social reality as it relates to women, people of color (largely Black people), and women of color.

The media and society have a mutual give-and-take relationship when it comes to the definition of reality on the whole; an individual's own reality and definitions do matter but are sometimes not representative as what is presented by society. The old chicken and egg argument dominates: does the media maintain a true reflection of the people (though society has been around as long as the media), or does society influence more what the media should be portraying as society's needs?

My college courses (at my predominately white university, for the record), often discussed a phenomenon known as Missing White Woman Syndrome(MWWS): the apparent racial bias in the media's (over-)reporting of young, attractive, "conventional", upper-middle class white girls/women over impoverished-to-middle class girls/women of color. I often ponder on this; there is a serious pattern of local and national panic when white women are abducted (or, even victimized in one way or another) versus when women of color are victimized at all. So much so, in fact, that there are websites available that post pictures and information for women of color because of the expressed imbalance. Remember: there's "justice", but there's also, very often, "just-us".

MWWS has only recently received the acknowledgment of its unfortunate reality. LaToyia Figueroa was a young pregnant woman of color that was reported missing in 2005 after not showing up for work. She was murdered south of Philly...an entire month after she disappeared. Her case was overshadowed by Natalee Holloway's disappearance and reported little by the mainstream media.

Last night, I'm sitting at work and I began thumbing through the most recent People Magazine. As I've made apparent, I have an interest in sex crimes and, what many police divisions describe to be "special victims". As such, I am always very caught up in the killings of young women and, admittedly, I've been very caught up in the details of Natalee Holloway's disappearance from the day she went missing. I mean, she was(/is?) the same age as me and the fact that they've yet to discover her whereabouts is terrifying and must be absolutely tragic for her parents. And when the suspect in her disappearance and alleged death popped up on the national media's radar weeks ago, I thought '...so, he killed this poor girl on five years to the day of Natalee's disappearance because she was asking him about whether or not he actually murdered her?' Odd way to prove your innocence. There was a difference though: he confessed to killing Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramírez and is taking his punishment. Now, though he has made off the record contradicting statements about killing Natalee and/or selling her into sex slavery (which is very possible considering he has a serious gambling and drug addiction - that caused his lawyer-father to stop supporting him), he was never even charged or tried for Natalee's murder because of such little evidence. It is devastating, and very unfortunate but these things happen in real life. Everything is not always Law and Order, and many missing persons and/or murders go unresolved.

Equally unfortunate to me, though, was People Mag's cover:

I feel for Natalee Holloway and her family. I also feel for Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramírez, who is hardly pictured to the right of Natalee Holloway. Joran van der Sloot confessed to brutally murdering her. He is being tried for this crime. He is not currently being tried for the murder of Natalee Holloway. So why is Natalee Holloway the feature of this cover?

We could argue that it is American-centric, which I also have a problem with given that the crime and alleged crime still occurred elsewhere. I don't intend to disrespect Natalee Holloway, but it seems as though the young, beautiful, upper-middle class white woman - the feature - is of greater value than the young dead Latina who is the most recent victim of van der Sloot's crimes.

I have no problem that the article mentioned Natalee Holloway; I understand wanting to draw parallels and hoping to bring van der Sloot to justice for the disappearance of Natalee. Truly, my heart goes out to everyone who was personally affected by Natalee's vanishing into thin air. Yet, I'm disappointed; if the media feeds into the subconscious of society, what is it telling us about the value of young women of color who are missing or murdered?

Be Righteous.

Window Seat

Well, I wrote a whole post on the "Window Seat" video, and in expressing my disdain for posting on what the rest of the internet universe was buzzing about, my draft did not save and I lost the post! I don't want to drone on about my opinion of the video, because needless to say -- I love Erykah Badu and I think she's beautiful, deep, and raw. I didn't want to do a post on the video, but I felt like people needed to see it. And if they've avoided Erykah's video until, somehow, stumbling upon my blog...I feel obligated to share. So, there.

I would like to commend Erykah for encouraging dialogue on twitter (yes, I'm following her on twitter) about the true meaning of the video and "group think". As someone who minored in Sociology, I think it's awesome that real artists are willing to try to deliver the message. My favorite part of the video is the dialogue at the end of the video about the assassination of the individual.

Be Righteous.

Fresh Air.

Did you inhale that? It's fresh air. I'm sharing it with you. Yes, you. Because my breath of fresh air moment earlier today made me so proud to have some kind of influence some where.

I've mentioned my younger cousins with whom I currently live, and the fact that I'm trying my best to be a positive Black woman role model for them. Their mom is around and very sincerely, she is one of the most wonderful Black women I have ever encountered. My aunt is certainly one of my major influences, and they are very lucky to have a mother like her. However, she is their mother and I certainly remember being a young tween and being more open to hearing things from anybody but my mother when it came to certain topics.

However, sometimes there are those "I'm-not-even-grown-but-i'm-growing-and-i-think-i-know-everything" attitudes that tween girls (and boys too!) can have. Majorly, I've had to talk time and again about how Nicki Minaj is "entertainment" if you'll call her that, and there are a million other enriching activities that one could participate in rather than babbling her lyrics without true knowledge of their meaning.

So anyway, in my Sophia Petrillo voice, I say, "picture it...": I'm downstairs in my quiet space folding clothes, and my youngest cousin (11) comes down. We are cleaning, and so she's wearing shorts and a tank top and her training bra is showing. She looks at me, "do you like my shirt?"
I reply, "Honey. Are you trying to look like Nicki Minaj?"
She says, "No! I don't wanna be like her! She's so fake!"
I had to take a deep breath. Was she saying what I tried convincing her of the last several weeks?
"You're right, she is fake."
She continued, "she always wears the same outfit. And she's not real. Her boobs are fake! Her butt is fake! Her nose is fake! And she wears her hair the same...she ain't even natural!"

I was a proud cousin. The youngest one is also the one that stated, when her older sister relaxed her hair, that she "wants to be natural like her cousin!" Her natural cousin is me. :)

Be Righteous.

Fat Black Chicks

I felt obligated to respond to this as a fat Black chick as defined by..all of America and, apparently, Howard Stern. I loathe Howard Stern. I had a really good friend in college who loved Howard Stern and whenever we'd hang out or go some where, he'd turn it to Howard Stern for whatever reason, and it would frustrate me greatly.

Now, I didn't see Precious for many reasons, including but not limited to trigger warnings. I fully intend to see it at home, but it's difficult for me, I suppose, because the themes presented are very real despite the fact that they're "entertainment".

I did, however, sneak and read "Push" trying to be grown when I was 13 or so, and even though it was graphic, I got it. I understood everything that was presented and I thought that it was a great read. I even suggested my mom read it, without fearing punishment, because it was so real. I plan on purchasing the movie and watching it alone.

Add ten years, a movie is made of it. Some people are boycotting it because of racist themes. Some black men people even just recently posted on facebook about Monique's appearance, and unshaved legs, and losing weight. It's frustrating to know that no matter how successful you may become, people will continue to define beauty not by how real or successful you are, but by fitting into the box that "real", non-Hollywood people struggle to fit.

Beauty has always been more than physical for me. People always say that, but when they are tested they don't really own it, sadly. That reminds me of something I saw once, I can't remember which television show or movie said it, but there was something about no matter how "attractive" (read: skinny) a fat girl becomes, she'll always internally be the sweet fat girl who let people walk over her because it's all she's always known. Let me reiterate a point in another post I made: I've always thought I was cute, self esteem issues seldom rooted from what people said to me (or not to me) about my appearance once I got older, say fourteen or so. I have some pretty high self esteem and I'm probably as big a jerk now as I'll ever be (if that's what being direct and clear with people is called), whether I change the way I look or not. I guess being the big sister to an all-star athlete brother and a light skindded with good hair sister made me the least attractive of the three by conventional standards, but not unattractive.

Anyway, enter Howard Stern (and his Black woman sidekick Robin, and I will reserve my opinions on her):

Now, I personally think the girl is lovely. Fat doesn't mean ugly. Fat doesn't mean ugly. FAT doesn't mean UGLY. Neither does dark skinned or nappy headed or any other adjective you want to throw out. She's a human being.

I was going to write a post similar to this days ago about good old Mediatakeout posting awful things about Gabourey. If we can't congratulate and uplift one another, how do we expect this dude (or anybody else) to?! Sheesh.

Aside, I even watched Oprah extend congrats to the winners, even though my feelings are a little more love-hate with her than other people in the industry. And Monique paying homage to Hattie McDaniel was incredibly moving. So, my dear "fat Black chicks", in the words of Mr. Stern, I just want you to know that I know how frustrating it is to be torn down, being a woman and Black, but also being overweight. It's silly that, in many cases, people will not even want to get to know you on that basis alone. But remember that beauty goes way beyond that, and keep your heads up. It isn't losing weight that will make you beauty. If it were, there wouldn't be so many skinny people searching for ways to be pretty. This isn't about losing weight, it's about loving yourself and doing big things (no pun intended) regardless of what the nay-sayers say.

Isn't it bad enough that we feel forced to relax our god-given hair, or wear weave, and have big butts, and lighten our skin. I was really going to go in hard on Mediatakeout once more, but then I thought of a question that Malcolm X often asked: Who taught you to hate yourself?
Be Righteous.