Sunday, November 15, 2009

Becky: A Love Story

I find myself in a love-hate relationship with rap music, often confused with hip-hop, pop, or "good" music. I often find myself conflicted; in my ripe age of nearly twenty three years, I some[not-very-often]times enjoy going to a bar or club. Though, unless I have had a lot to drink, I prefer going to the lounges and "adult" (and not adult) spots.

I also have issues with things said and done within our any aspect of any culture without thinking about the origins or potential consequences. It especially troubles me when these things are sayings that have sexual meanings and I'll tell you why: it sends the wrong message about what we should be getting out of sex. I don't have a problem with sex; not oral, not anal, not "dirty talk", not three-ways, not any weird thing that people consensually do together.

You know what? I laugh at some pretty fucked up things, and I even make the most inappropriate jokes when my funny gene is operable. I like inappropriate television shows, but I call bullshit for what it is. There are things that people say without thinking just because they are understood (or not) to be far removed from their original meanings. Examples?

Well, I can go on and on; from the "rule of thumb", which originates from the idea that a man could beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, to men naming their cars, boats, and other properties "feminine" names because it is as much his property as she. More extreme examples include the term "punishing" a woman's p..rivates, which only makes me question what exactly anyone has done to be "punished" in such a way, and "beating" the p..rivates up. Sexual violence anyone?

That said, I'd like to take this time to talk about "Becky". Yes, I'm going in..
"Becky", a name thought to be common among white folks, is a term for oral sex that is derived from the idea that white girls give the best oral sex, and easily. In my experiences as a member of the Black community, I've heard my share of prejudgments about white girls by Black men and women. "Becky", in my mind, promotes the idea that oral sex is associated with promiscuous white chicks who love Black men. You see, in my experiences, some concepts of white women are as extreme as the stigmatization of the Black brute - Black men waiting in the shadows to sexually victimize white women. White women lovvvve sucking Black p..rivates and they do it well.

I work part time as a shift leader at a market, and while most of my cashiers are high school kids, there are a few older-than-high-school-but-not-in-college folks. There is also a male cashier that the girls swoon over, who happens to be a college boy that tends to act like he belongs in high school with the other kids. He flirts with all the girls, myself included, and with all the salivation, you'd think he was much more than something nice to look at. At one point during our idle time tonight, he began singing the hook to the song "Becky" by Plies. Did I mention he was twenty five?

Now, I have my qualms with Plies and many, many other "artists", but you know, whenever I hear anyone mention or allude to "Becky", my stomach tightens, and not in a good way. Lyrics? Yes, please:

"I'm on this liquor oh so heavy
"Fo we fuck can you neck me
"A lil head and I am ready
"I want yo mouth give me that Becky"

Mr. Plies also says things like he can't engage in intercourse with certain women because her p..rivates have "too many miles" (jezebel stereotype, anyone?). Also, he wants to marry "Becky", and if a girl doesn't "do Becky" then she can get to steppin'. Besides the fact that the song maybekindamight be another means of putting Black women (and all women, undoubtedly) down, why is this even...popular? How do white girls feel, being associate with giving "neck"? What does this say about how we are culturally sexualized? Our misconceptions and prejudices? Is anyone even thinking about this?

When I spoke to my seventeen-year-old-acting-twenty-five-year-old coworker, I told him that it was inappropriate, to which he responded, "psssh, inappropriate? Girl, that's a part of growing up!"
Growing up? I don't have an anti-oral agenda. I know what I like to give and receive, and it doesn't really require explanation except to an involved party. If people want to talk about it, fine. I actually enjoy having sexual conversations, but not at the interest of coming up with names for my sexual activities. [Aside, one of my best friends is a white man, with whom I have never engaged in sexual activity, but can discuss anything with him. Apparently, there's a rumor going around that Black men don't participate in giving oral sex. I think that my previous partners missed the memo..]

Further, I wonder what people would think if women ran around saying "gimmie dat Rayshawn"?

But really, if I was dating a nice upstanding gentleman and he proclaimed "gimmie dat Becky!" while in the throws of passion, I wouldn't be concerned with anything other than getting him out and not off.
I'm just sayin'...


  1. i, too, have a love/hate/confused relationship with hip-hop. i can not stand this song. i am feeling this post. there is another song that i can't stand but i don't know the name of it. i think the hook is something like 'will you be my daddy' WTF?

  2. Yeah, thats Twista's song "Wetter"...yuck!

  3. Wow! I heard this song on the radio but I had no idea what he was saying until now.

    But I don't have a love/hate relationship with hip hop anymore. I just hate it as long as it continues to hate me as a woman.

    Great post BTW. I will link to this piece on my Facebook. Keep writing and I'll keep listening. Cheers.

  4. I used to think this was true of "rule of thumb," also, but, in fact, that is not the origin of the phrase. Just an FYI.

  5. I loathe Plies. The guy sounds like a brute. The 25 yr old co-worker, is indicative of the period, celebratory ignorance. He's no different than, athletes attending college briefly, not an intellectual or cultural clue. I have a love/hate relationship with Hip hop as well. Its misogny, anti-intellectualism and brutishness are at fever pitches, yet, apologists abound. 'Becky', reminds me of, an Aaron Hall song from the 90s, where Hall rapes a woman, yet says its going to be okay. Patriarchal cultural sexualization is a blatant attack on women, regardless of whether coprorations pay artists to write them, these artists have no integrity or dignity. We can't defend bullshit and Hip hop is full of it.

  6. If certain phrases are not directly rooted to certain sayings but still associated with them, does it make much difference? It's all about awareness. I'm aware of the discrepencies of the "rule of thumb", but it still has negative associations.
    Thanks for commenting! Please stick around! :)