Monday, March 8, 2010

Short and Semi-Personal

I've never dropped acid before, despite owning Pink Floyd's entire collection. I've never even considered it before because I love my brain far more than the lulling excitement behind discovering what purple tastes like when mixed together with red and yellow and being so thirsty that you drink jazz while trapped in the same minute-of-the-hour for two-and-a-half days straight; I might be a square for learning that "drugs are bad" in school and I'm perfectly fine with not turning my brain into split-pea soup. Anyway, I had a heck of a dream the other night that I wanted to share because (1)it made me think of something a little further beyond the surface, in my analytical nature, and (2)the only thing I can compare it to is what I'd imagine a bad acid trip to be like. It seemed scary and dark and swirly; beginning in technicolor and transitioning to black and white with colorful strobe-like flashes. I was actually thinking of writing a poem about it (the previous sentence was a little poetic, eh?) but I mainly want to analyze the sequence.

I do think there is symbolism in aspects of life that people rarely consider, especially when the subconscious mind is left to roam free; it's beyond the realm of imagination because it is effortless and involuntary. Amusingly enough, people often think that believing something different (or not having their religious affiliation) means you believe in nothing, and aside from activism and advocacy, I believe in several things that may seem more ridiculous than religion, even.

I think the dream was supposed to be nightmarish, but it didn't really scare me once I was awake. I only remember a few key things: hundreds of men with guns holding up people that were standing in some line outside of their cars in bumper-to-bumper traffic, running away with a few other people, the world being completely black and falling apart like when Joel was asleep and erasing Clementine from his memory. Well, it was similar with objects but not with the characters; the ground was crumbling and the people (/creatures) fell into what was previously the earth, into a dark pit of nothingness to the depths of human absolution as a result of their disappearance toward death. Toward the end of the dream, there was only a piece of something left and I was the last of two people to go. The person, though, turned into a cross between a waterless killer whale and HR Puf'nStuf, black and white with my mind's poor special effects; this literally made my stomach feel like a microwaved marshmallow, dizzy and like I was floating or had been bounced too high on a giant trampoline. I was trapped in a kaleidoscope of destruction and the world I knew was falling apart like an over-hyped Armageddon. As I was upset and offering comfort toward the creature, it cried out to me that maybe they were just in the wrong universe or born of the wrong time and place. I replied to them one of the more labyrinthine statements I've ever uttered, asleep or not, regarding the abstruseness of death: " Maybe death is like awakening from a dream." Then I opened my eyes in the conscious world, and it was over.

...not really sure where any of that came from. I don't eat right before bed and I stay away from medicines unless it's the very last resort; I'm quite sure I did not take anything before bed.

I've got to keep it real: one of the more frightening realities about living, to me, is dying. I avoid thinking about it, even having dealt with death a lot in my lifetime. There aren't many things that scare me beyond my fear of drowning and/or suffocation (and not largely because of the dying aspect that comes with it), having gone through so much from childhood on. Death, though, is a scary thought to me and it isn't even just dying young or prematurely...everybody has to die and that is a fact of life. And it's terrifying. I've experienced a lot, even before I did a lot of living, and I'm less than frightened by many human situations beyond the possibility of failure. Death is absolutely one of several qualms I have with religion. I know people claiming religiosity that have personally said to me that they'd rather err on the side of caution, that if there is more to death than the nothingness by the end of life, they'd love to experience that. Not knowing any one who has died and text messaged me from the other side, I'm not sure what happens, and I'm cool with not saying either/or because I can't speak to it; I'm no authority on the matter and I will never claim to be. I like being able to say "I don't know" and feel comfortable in it.

Weird dream. It was like "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" crossed with "Enter Sandman."

Be Righteous

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